Even If I Wanted To
by Akiru chan
Summary: A collection of tales on love, heartbreak, and everything in between.
1. Confession : SebastianCiel, Lizzy

_Pairing/Characters: Sebastian/Ciel, Lizzy_

_Rating: PG_

* * *

**Confession**

* * *

"I love you."

The young woman fidgeted, cheeks a flamed as she looked everywhere but at the man seated in front of her. Time had done Ciel a courtesy, molding him into a handsome and strong looking man. He was everything that Elizabeth had ever dreamt for; her prince charming.

Ciel said nothing, seemingly hearing nothing the girl was saying to him. He was too wrapped up with whatever document suited his current interest.

"Ciel, did you hear me?" Elizabeth asked, almost timid in her approach.

This time Ciel hummed a sound of acknowledgement but did not bother to look up.

Hoping that she had gained at least his momentary attention, she tried again. "I love you Ciel."

A blue eye peered over a piece of crisp parchment. Ciel assessed her for a moment. Deeming himself attentive enough to her whims, he went back to his work with a half hearted grunt in reply.

Deflating visibly, Elizabeth toed her pretty white boots into the Persian rug. "Did you hear what I said?" She pushed as she tried to salvage some of the situation. Her dream love confession was beginning to crumble piece by piece in front of her. "I said, I loved you."

Ciel gave an exasperated sigh, finally putting down how work and pushing his back to rest in his desk chair. "I heard you the first time Lizzy. I just fail to see what the sudden importance is."

Elizabeth flinched; that had hurt. She fought back the tears that threatened to fall and faced Ciel with determined eyes. "I'm confessing my love to you Ciel."

Unimpressed, Ciel just looked back with blank eyes. "Yes, and so you have done since before I can remember. I fail to see what the importance of it is now." He rubbed his temples more out of habit then in any real pain.

"Those times…," she sniffed, no longer able to hold onto her tears. "Those times were only a child's affectionate words. I'm telling you as a woman Ciel, that I love you. I'm in love with you." Elizabeth cried and Ciel watched her.

They regarded each other for an immeasurable amount of moments, Elizabeth gain some semblance of hope back. Ciel's features had softened considerably and she hoped, oh how she hoped, to hear those words returned to her. Not the clipped and hollow 'I love you's' that Ciel had flippantly passed her, but a declaration of the love she yearned for.

"I love you too." Words passed through Ciel's lips, rolling forth with a tone he often used when commenting on the taste of Sebastian's confections; dull with only a hint of affection. Feeling he had done his part, Ciel resumed his reading.

Elizabeth could do nothing but stand there for a moment, tears overflowing and staining her pretty cheeks. Fearful resignation settled like coal in her stomach, she turned then and left. She didn't even bother to apologize to Sebastian who she pushed aside to flee from the stuffy office.

Sebastian watched the girl leave, amusement plain on his face. "Now, now young master. It's not proper to make a lady cry."

With a flourish of papers, Ciel tossed aside his work. "She expects too much of me."

"Is it too much for the master to love?" The was a sense of mocking in the demons voice, accentuated by the delicate smirk. He placed a teacup and saucer in front of Ciel.

The young earl glared into his tea. Love. What a useless topic they had fallen into to. "And what does a demon know of love?"

Sebastian smirked, trailing a daring finger down the side of his Master's pale cheek. "I know enough to know that love breeds sin."

"But love can not bloom within the depths of sin," Ciel countered, turning to face his demon.

A silence settled around the two, growing heavier with each inch broached between them. "What ever shall we do?" Sebastian closed the distance, lips met lips, and he couldn't help but laugh.

* * *

  
_End_


	2. Things That Go Bump In The Night : Gen

_Pairing/Characters: Grell, Ronald, Sebastian, Ciel, and a cat...  
_

_Rating: PG_

* * *

**Things That Go Bump In The Night  
**

* * *

The full moon illuminated the gravel pathways of the graveyard, showing the way to a mismatched pair of gentlemen. One of the men kept snapping his head back and forth, long red hair flowing like a whip, as he cautiously looked about him.

"I don't see why we had to come here at night. Couldn't we have just waited?" The red head pouted.

"Grell." The name was said with a hint of exasperation. "It's not like we can tell someone to put off their death so we can sleep," his companion replied.

"Not that a lady doesn't need her beauty sleep." That earned Grell a look. "But why did Will have to make us pick up a soul here." He looked about him warily as if something was suddenly going to pop out amongst the tombs.

They stopped as the other shinigami turned a looked at Grell, evil smile in place. "Don't tell me you're afraid."

"Ron." Grell attached himself to Ronald's side, yanking at his arm. "What if there are ghosts?"

This time Ronald couldn't help but laugh. The idea of a shinigami being afraid of such a thing was a riot. "If ghost exist then they are nothing by souls wandering about. Just reap them and be done with it. Nothing to be scared of." He pushed the other man from him and continued down the path towards a grave which boasted a bloody display.

Draped over the tombstone was a bloodied body, victim of a suicide. The freshly dug grave told the sad tale quite plainly.

Grell continued to look warily around, wanting to leave this place as soon as he could. He held his death scythe, waiting for Ronald to hurry up and finish the paperwork needed at the moment.

Ron held his book in hand, jotting some things down and humming to himself. He was just about to finish up when a deep shriek penetrated the night. Both shinigami looked around and then back to each other.

"Ghosts!" Grell exclaimed, going back to cling to Ron.

Ronald shook his head. "There are no such thing as-" A seriously of pained moans cut him off. His eyes widened as well and he unconsciously pulled Grell closer.

"Grell, hurry." Ron pointed to the body, indicating that the soul could now be claimed. Grell wasted no time getting to work, finishing as disembodied grumbling filled the graveyard.

Both were ready to flee when the brush, not even three feet away, began to sway and move. The two shinigami drew further away, eyes fixed on the spot. In a sudden frenzy a black blur darted forth yowling and hissing.

Ronald and Grell let go a horrified scream and ran for their lives back towards the main gate and to safety. They didn't bother to look back; both thinking the same thing. 'Ghost do exist!'

Back on top of the hill, the brushes moved again, revealing a man clad in black. He looked around for a moment before catching a glimpse of sleek black and regal prowess. Emerald eyes looked back and the cat mewed.

"Sebastian!" The man turned to looked behind him, seeing his young master come into view. "Where the hell are you running off to? Did you find-" Ciel let his words die as he caught sight of the cat.

He looked between the filthy feline and his butler, feeling his patience drift away.

"You! You dragged me through the forest, had me almost twist my ankle, break my heal, and go through hell and back for a damn cat!" Ciel was seething. His ankle was killing him, surely it was bruised, and he was severely fatigued. Here he had thought Sebastian had found a lead in their case, but all he got was a flea bitten mongrel.

Sebastian, just smiled and nodded his head. "Yes, my lord."

Ciel threw up his arms and stomped awkwardly away down the path with his broken heal. He was going home.

* * *

_End_


	3. The How To of Sweet Treats : SebCiel

_Pairing/Characters: Sebastian/Ciel  
_

_Rating: PG_

* * *

**The How To of Sweet Treats  
**

* * *

Ciel fiddled with a page of the book he was currently being lectured about, not that he was listening. The smooth voice of Sebastian went unheard, replaced with insignificant ponderings.

"It was in 1215 that the Magna Carta was first put into motion-"

Glancing down at the page, Ciel hurriedly flipped to the next having lost the current section being discussed.

"King John's subjects forced the document upon him, taking away some of his power-"

Going through five pages without much luck of finding designated content, Ciel finally gave up. He closed the hard leather bound book with a quick snap. Sebastian halted mid sentence and looked towards his miffed master.

"Something wrong young master?" The butler questioned, repositioning his reading glasses. The trinkets were only for show; why Sebastian wore them during these lessons was beyond Ciel's knowledge.

"I'm hungry," Ciel paused before adding, "and this lesson is horribly dull."

Sebastian put down the book he had been reading from, shaking his head all the while. "I hate to disagree, but you ate not even an hour ago. If you are indeed hungry, then I ask that you at least wait until after this lesson. I would gladly fix you a sweet and some tea then."

Not one to give up so easily, Ciel puffed with irritation. "Can't we take a break? Perhaps you could give me a lesson while you prepare something?" He tried to reason. Normal Ciel wouldn't hesitate in ordering Sebastian to do his bidding. During lessons the same tactics did not seem to work. Of course Sebastian would follow the order to the 'T', but it was the repercussions that Ciel did not look forward to. The demon would be sure to make Ciel's next lesson a living hell.

A sly smirk crossed Sebastian's lips as he pondered Ciel's words. "Maybe we can have a lesson in the kitchen," he said, removing his glasses and pocketing them. "A lesson in the art of confections."

Blinking once, then twice, Ciel rose a fine eyebrow. Did Sebastian seriously think he could make Ciel cook?

"Perhaps it will help you appreciate the work that goes into each and every sweet you enjoy," Sebastian added as if knowing his masters next string of complaints.

Before Ciel could even hope to argue, Sebastian left the room leaving the door open for the boy to follow. Weighing his options, Ciel finally sighed in defeat and chased after his butler turned teacher.

Upon entering the kitchen Ciel had to take a moment to assess his surroundings. It wasn't often, if at all, that he ventured to this part of his home. He left the cooking to his servants and that was that.

Currently the only servant occupying the space, excluding Sebastian, was Bard who looked mildly curious over his master's sudden appearance. He opened his mouth as if to inquire further but Sebastian beat him to it, sending the man off to collect inventory on the cellars vast collection of wines. Bard grumbled over the pointless task, but went off regardless.

With the kitchen free of interlopers, Sebastian went about plucking ingredients from shelves and cupboards as Ciel looked on with bored eyes. Butter, eggs, flour, sugar, and a dozen other things were all spread about on the main island; soon to be accompanied by bowls of different sizes and a few wooden spoons.

It wasn't even five minutes into this new 'lesson' and Ciel couldn't even think of a duller way to spend his afternoon. At the very least he was getting some sort of dessert out of this. The prospect of making it himself didn't bode well, but perhaps he could get Sebastian to do most of the work.

Once everything was set in place, Sebastian faced Ciel, smirk in place and humor dancing within scarlet eyes. "Are you ready young master? We'll be making Victoria Sponge Cake."

How oddly fitting, Ciel thought, clearly not amused.

When Ciel made no move to come closer to the designated cooking area, Sebastian waved him over in hasty jerks of his hand. Once Ciel meandered over, he was set to work measuring and mix the dry ingredients as Sebastian tended to the oven and baking pans.

Ciel glanced towards the recipe that had been written in Sebastian's neat scrawl. "Flour, baking powder, and salt," he mumbled to himself, searching for each item as he read it out. Small hands reached for the ingredients, cursing his height and the incontinently high countertops. It didn't help matters that Sebastian had placed all the needed items as far from the edge as he could.

With a little bit of persistence and a colorful mix of words, Ciel finally got everything measure and dumped into one of the large glass mixing bowls. He didn't skip a beat as he reached for the wooden spoon, oblivious to the demon that now watched the scene with amusement.

Ciel began mixing with zealous, sending half of the powdery mixture onto himself. "Damn it," he cursed, throwing the spoon down.

Sebastian made his way over, pushing Ciel aside and began mixing with a gentle turn of his wrist. With a smile the butler sent the boy off to cut a stick of butter into small pieces to be mixed with the sugar Sebastian had already measured out into another bowl.

"Be careful with the knife."

Ciel glared at the caring tone, brandishing the knife in his hand. "I carry a gun on a regular basis, yet you feel the need to worry over me when using a knife." He went about cutting the butter into careful slices. It didn't take him long, no more then a minute. Happy with his work, Ciel proceeded to carry the butter slice over to Sebastian; he ignored one slice that tumbled off of the wax paper and onto the tiled floor.

Sebastian took the butter, and in a fury of movements began mixing everything together. Before Ciel knew it, the batter was ready and waiting to be put into the two pans and into the oven. For a moment he thought of complaining. Wasn't he supposed to be making this cake? Shrugging his shoulders, Ciel couldn't bring himself to care much. After all he was already covered in flour; Ciel didn't want to add batter to that.

The oven closed with a snap once the cakes we in and waiting. Sebastian turned to Ciel and smiled, motioning towards the last products that had remained untouched.

"Now young master, you'll get to whip the cream."

And so Ciel was able to put his vigor to good use. He almost viciously attached the cream, twisting the spoon quickly. It was amazing how the once thick liquid folded into fluffy mounds of sweet whipped cream. Ciel was so caught up in his work that he didn't even notice when the timer dinged and Sebastian went to fetch the cooked cakes.

"Young master."

Ciel, startled at being called, jerking the spoon out of his creation. The action flicked specks of cream onto his face, causing him to frown. "What?" He snapped, not pleased.

"Can you bring the whipped cream over here?" Sebastian asked, motioning towards the cooling cakes. "We need to spread it between the two layers."

Ciel huffed but didn't argue further. He went to hurry towards the man, perhaps too quick for comfort. The long forgotten slice of butter caught under the boys foot, and sent him on a slippery trek straight towards the arms of his awaiting butler.

Sebastian caught the boy, but could not say the same for the bowl. The whipped cream flew up splattering all over his chest and face. It was only then, as the bowl made it's way towards the floor that Sebastian finally regained his composure and caught the object before it could shatter.

"Sorry," Ciel mumbled, embarrassed that he had caused such a thing. Perhaps this would prove that he was not meant for the kitchen.

The demon waved the boys words to the side, placing the half empty bowl onto the counter. "We can still salvage this." Needless to say Sebastian did not let Ciel touch anything else after that. The lesson was no official over.

All in all the cake looked decent. It wasn't up to Sebastian normal standards, but Ciel felt that it was good enough. A part of him felt proud that he had helped, even if just a little.

Sebastian cut a small slice, presenting it to Ciel. The boy took a few bites, as his butler hovered over him, awaiting his verdict.

"It's good," he paused. "The whipped cream is the best." Though Ciel was sure it had nothing to do with the fact that he had made the whipped cream himself.

"Is it now?" Sebastian questioned, smirk once again in place.

Ciel turned to face his butler, eying a dollop of cream against his cheek. Without much thought, Ciel reached up to wipe the mess from the warm surface. He brought his cream covered fingers to his mouth, sucking them with earnest.

"It is." And it was. What a sweet lesson this had turned out to be. Perhaps, Ciel pondered, he had learned something after all.

Who knew cream could taste so good when eaten from Sebastian's body. Ciel would be sure to research his findings thoroughly.

* * *

_End_


	4. Lies : Lizzy, Sebastian, Ciel

_Pairing/Characters: Lizzy, Sebastian, and Ciel  
_

_Rating: PG_

* * *

**Lies  
**

* * *

A raven crowed from somewhere off into the forest of skeleton trees. Night was slowly falling, leaving the over cast sky cold and morose. Elizabeth's boots crunched the dead leaves as she made her way down the small path. Her coat was pulled tightly around her frame to keep the cold at bay.

Beside her stood elegant slab after elegant slab of markers. Each one held a name scrawled into the cold stone. They were all strangers to her, she hadn't come to pay them respect. What she sought was the one grave, the deception among all the others; the marker with nothing to guard.

She smiled as her eyes found the marbled stone that she had quietly sought. The name engraved across it's surfaces made her heart thud and he eyes sting. No matter how many years had passed, five to be exact, she still couldn't look upon that name with out feeling some ache deep within her chest.

"Ciel," Elizabeth breathed the name, so soft and tender. She dropped to her knees in front of the grave not caring if she muddied her dress. Delicate fingers reached out to trace the name and date of death. She could still remember the day. Seeing Ciel standing there like some dark prince asking for a single dance. If only she had known that it would be their last moment together.

A small part of her hated Ciel for leaving. She had received no good-bye, no explanation. All she was given was the knowledge that he was gone, dead to the world. Sometimes she thought she glimpsed him intermixed amongst a crowd. Perhaps that was the reason she kept coming back here. It was a reminder that Ciel was not coming back into her life, forever dead. One day she would believe it.

Elizabeth wiped away her tears and got ready to stand. "What use is it visiting an empty grave?" She asked not expecting an answer, but hoping for an epiphany.

"Yet the lady seems intent on returning."

The girl jumped, spinning around. Her emerald eyes widened is astonished familiarity. For a moment she couldn't believe what she was seeing. It was as if she were looking at a ghost, and perhaps she wasn't too far off her mark.

"Mr. Sebastian," she stuttered out, shrinking back from the man's intense eyes. Had they always been that red, that emotionless? She knew that this was not the man who had walked by Ciel's side for so long, and cast pleasant smiles to her when she visited.

He sent her a smile that sent a chill down Elizabeth's spine. "Your visits are pointless," Sebastian said almost cruelly. "He does not hear you, he doesn't want to hear you. Your Ciel is dead." He knelt down, and began wiping away unseen blemishes from the grave stone. "Was he even yours to begin with I wonder?"

"You don't speak for him." Defiant eyes bore into the man as the girl found her nerve.

"Perhaps." Sebastian stood, moving away once more. "You'd do best to forget Ciel, I can assure you he's no longer thinking of you."

Elizabeth watched him go. Her eyes were hard and dry, she was no longer crying. Sebastian had awoken a distaste within her that made her tingle. She was unsure of what the man was, human, ghost, or demon; any one of them were possible on a night like tonight.

She glanced at the grave once more to give it some form of silent farewell. It was getting late and her mother would be waiting for her at home. Elizabeth felt a chill race down her spine as she headed for the cemetery gate. The cold went straight to her bone and froze her in place. She forced herself to pick up her pace and make it back to the safety of the main road.

The gate shut behind her, and she tried to resist the urge to look back to where she knew the empty grave sat; a lie in plain sight. Elizabeth stopped mid step as her eyes made out the dark shapes upon the hill. She instantly picked out Sebastian, who looked down intently at the smaller form beside him. It was the other that caught Elizabeth's attention.

Scarlet eyes stared back into emerald, and Elizabeth was forced to break the gaze. The two, the man and the boy, moved on the hill falling farther back into the forest. A lone tear fell from Elizabeth's eye as she bid a final farewell, though she was no longer looking towards the grave.

This would indeed be her last trip here. There was nothing lying beneath that stone but lies and bad memories. Her Ciel was dead, she no longer needed cold marble to tell her that anymore.

* * *

_End_


	5. Price of Safety : SebastianCiel

_Pairing/Characters: Sebastian/Ciel  
_

_Rating: T_

_Note: This is something I've been toying with the idea of expanding into a multi-chapter fic... or at least something longer. Who knows.  
_

* * *

**Price of Safety  
**

* * *

Dust shifted in from under the crack in the door, bring with it stale humid air. The patrons of the small saloon were oblivious to it, far too concerned in their drinks and the pretty girls serving them. Chatter spread across the bar, melding into a toneless melody. Everyone sat about, no worries for the world around them, laughing and talking about good times. It was an odd sight for times such as this. When renegade outlaws plagued the land stealing what they could; be it money, woman, or lives.

A sudden gaggle of woman's voices cut through the air, bringing some men to turn towards the stage and the grand piano. They caught one glimpse of the cause of the ruckus and shook their heads. Standing amongst the group of giggling woman stood a boy just breaching true manhood. He smiled charmingly, shifting and allowing the light to glint off of the pretty silver badge that named him this small towns sheriff.

"Oh Ciel, tell us another!" One lady, with golden ringlets pleaded as she brushed her chest against the boy's arm.

He did nothing to push her away. Ciel just smiled and leaned up further against the piano's side. "And what story would you like to hear about today Miss Elizabeth?" He asked in a voice coated in sweet pleasures.

The women erupted into a snapping debate as they tried to settle on which tale of bravery they wanted to hear from their esteemed sheriff. Ciel Phantomhive was a legend for miles around. He was young, only nineteen, and already had made a name for himself. Ciel could proudly boast of heading one of the cleanest towns around, where crime was concerned.

As neighboring towns posted front page articles describing weekly evil doings, Ciel could sit back and breath a sigh of relief. No outlaw had ever caused trouble within their peaceful little town since Ciel had taken up his place as Sheriff.

Gossip and half baked theories had flown around as to why such a boy had been able to stay the hands of evil. Some told grand tales of how Ciel had struck fear in every outlaw from the Rio Grande to the Mississippi. One old widow even went so far as to call him a devil in disguise. Whatever the case Ciel had brought a welcomed peace to his town, and he was cherished for it.

"Ladies, please. Don't fight over such a silly thing." Ciel laughed, raising his hands in defeat. "How about I tell you about the time I single handedly out shot Sebastian Michaelis."

The woman hushed and began to mutter excitedly together. It was well known fact that Sebastian had one of the highest paying rewards on his head. The man was a god with a gun. It was said he never missed a shot and that he could shoot you down before you even knew he was there. Such stories made him feared, and Sebastian's name was only passed around in hushed towns when talked about amongst proper people. Even fellow outlaws were sure to keep clear of his path. Sebastian was not a man to be crossed.

"Have you really gone up against such a man?" Elizabeth gasped, truly impressed with such a thought.

"Absolutely!" Ciel began to tell the tale with a flourish of words and hand gestures. The woman listened on intently, and Lady Elizabeth blushed as the boy drew her closer to his side.

Further away many men were listening in as well, just as interested as the primped women. One individual sat stiffly at the bar. His long duster was pulled tightly around him despite the heat and his hat was pulled down low to cover his face. A beer pressed to his lips as he nursed the drink. Scarlet eyes were trained in on the boy sheriff, narrowing when he saw the little blond whore pressing herself against Ciel's side.

The man sat and watched for hours. People left and the saloon cleared out as night began to set in. Ciel still stood talking in hushed voices to Elizabeth who had turned a violent shade of red. Her emerald eyes darted about for a moment before she nodded meekly.

Another beer was placed in front of the strange man as his eyes followed the young pair as they made their way up towards the private business rooms that the saloon housed upstairs. For a moment scarlet meet blue, and Ciel smirked as he disappeared up the stairs.

The man downed his beer in one fierce gulp. He licked his lips and set some money on the bar to cover his expenses. A small man came to collect the payment and waved the stranger off as he slowly followed the path Ciel had made only moment before. 

* * *

Ciel quickly buttoned his top as he glanced towards the woman resting peacefully on a weathered couch. The sight only made him frown and he was forced to look away. He located his vest and jacket, and quickly clothed himself. The quicker he left the better. Ciel didn't want to spend any more time with this woman then he had to. She had served her purpose.

Leather boots were slipped on and Ciel made his way towards the door. No doubt Elizabeth would be crushed finding herself alone when she woke. He could already see those tears well in her eyes. Regardless Ciel could not find it in him to pity her. She knew what she was walking into when she accepted his offer; she was no differently then all the others.

The hallways was dark and Ciel made it a point to leave quickly. He had other matters to take care of.

"Leaving so soon?"

Ciel halted, a smile bloom across his face as he turned. "I wondered when you were going to show your face. I'm slightly surprised you waited this long."

The man frowned, pushing himself off the wall and walking towards the arrogant boy. "I had no desire to see you in the arms of that woman."

"Sebastian," The name was gasped in false surprise. "could you be jealous of such a girl?"

Sebastian just cocked his head to the side, contemplating the boys words. "Why should I when I know you only think of me when you are with them. Hoping that you will open your eyes and see me staring back."

Ciel was pushed roughly against the wall, Sebastian pinning him skillfully.

"Well I wouldn't have to resort to such things if you would make it a point to come to town from time to time. I am indebted to you after all." A small hand reached up to trail down Sebastian's face, Ciel's thumb brushed against the man's lips. The appendage was kissed just as Ciel withdrew, quickly replacing his thumb with his own lips.

The kiss was rough and demanding. Sebastian growled as he tasted the sickly sweet taste of that woman on Ciel's lips. It sickened him and drove him to devour the boy all the more.

"Here I make sure that your precious little town is safe and this is how you repay me? Sleeping with whores?" The tone was light and knew the man was only toying with him. "What would your townsmen say if they knew you had sold yourself to me in return for this places peace?" Sebastian laughed, pushing further into the boy.

Ciel groaned as a hard thigh pressed between his legs, rubbing gently against the growing arousal. It was truth, Ciel could not deny Sebastian's words. He had willingly given himself to this man, mind, body, and soul. They all belonged to Sebastian, and Ciel couldn't bring himself to care much.

As Sebastian leaned down to lick at the shell of Ciel's ear, he couldn't help but think that this was nothing in comparison to the woman he fucked to pass the time, hoping to find one that could possibly ignite the same terrifying pleasure that Sebastian could bring forth from Ciel delicate frame.

They would soon move to a more secluded place and give into the sins of flesh and pleasure. Ciel would chant Sebastian's name and mumble pleas that the man could never fulfill. This thing, for what they had could not be called love or any other extravagant word, that transpired before them would forever occur behind closed doors and hidden from the world. Even god himself could not be privy to what they held between them; he could not understand such sinful ways.

Ciel would finally come, calling out Sebastian's name. His eyes would droop as he was lulled to sleep by the kind and twisted words spilling through well kissed lips. Sebastian would gently kiss the sleeping boys forehead in a brief goodbye. It was easier to leave now. There would be no pleading or awkward words. If Sebastian left now, he didn't have to feel the guilt at seeing those deep blue eyes well up with suppressed tears. He wouldn't have to feel the desire to stay for just a moment longer. For one more day. Forever.

And when Ciel awoke, alone and cold, he would have to convince himself it was for the better. Their lives would not allow for such a frivolous thing. It was all for the better. A lone tear escaped his indifferent façade and Ciel could feel another piece of himself crumble away.

* * *

_End_


	6. Peace of Mind

Peace of Mind

* * *

The soft light of the waning moon pours in through the slit grates of the boarded windows. It's late, but long since past the point where Ciel cares well enough to count the passage of time. He makes it a point to not notice it's passing, keeping blind eyes to such things makes it all easier. Sebastian may think differently, but Ciel sees no reason to it. Not when the world will end up passing by in a blur in the end.

A slow burn travels up his arms, and he looks down to the skilled pass of sharp steel against his too pale skin. This is something he can withstand, something he finds point in enjoying. Blood boils up and tickles down into his palm. It pit-patters on the floor, like the ticking second hand of a clock.

For a short moment Ciel sees time. It's the only time he will ever acknowledge it. Each second, a pit-patter of blood, and the wound begins to stitch itself. He counts six seconds, and smiles almost whimsically to himself. It's healed, with not a sign of a blemish to show for it.

It's in that, that Ciel finds the greatest of pleasures; the proof of what he is and most importantly what he is not. He is not human, weak, insufferable, and dirty. He is not a child, crying for his parents when there is no one to hear him. He is not bloodied, sullied and left for dying upon a cold stone top.

He is alive, bloodied upon his own volition, and indestructible to that which has ever had the gall to lay a finger upon him. So he sinks the knife in once more, finding salvation in the pain. It's sweet and sharp, a sensation pure and free of the fear that had once twisted its way in. Ciel has nothing to fear from the cruel cut of his blade.

It will heal, he _will_ heal, and that gives him peace of mind.

Never again will he be at the mercy of men. Never will he fear for his life. Falling so low as to sacrifice his soul to save himself.

He is saved! He is alive.

So he will cut, deep and harsh into his skin. It is his reminder, his proof of what he is.

Ciel is not human. He is not weak.

And that gives him peace.

* * *

_End_


End file.
